Bored wife is bored

26 Dec

I had the day off. Husband did not. I am clearly too high maintenance to spend an entire day all by myself. I wonder what I would have done in the time before texting?

10:10: Blurg. BLURG I SAY.

10:30: Unleashed pit bull came up to us during morning walk. Owner wouldn’t grab it, only call it, so it ignored him and followed us. Wanted to yell at owner, not awake enough to form coherent insults.  Dogs growled but no one ate anyone. Win.

10:45: Not sure why the Wii remote isn’t showing up on the screen?

11:00: Never mind. Figured it out.

11:42: I just saw Norma from The Wonder Years! She looks exactly the same. Perhaps a robot?

1:38: I always forget how much daytime TV sucks donkey butt.

1:47: Melissa d’Arabian just ground up black beans to put in brownies. Who the fuck gave this bobble head a show?

1:59: Hey, do you know if you want to save money, you should buy things on sale? Also, you should use your leftovers. Also, buy things on sale! GROUNDBREAKING.

Pretty sure her cookware costs more than our car.

2:35: Kobe just stole Marty’s bone. Just dropped his, went and snatched M’s. Greedy greedy.

2:39: Just did it again.

2:41: Again. Bones away now.

2:45: What would the dogs think “greedy gus” sounds like?  I just said it to them and they went apeshit. No idea why.

3:30: Rachael Ray doesn’t eat her own food anymore. Also, her food looks like crap now. I guess I wouldn’t eat it either.

3:32: You’ll be happy to know Food Network’s original bobble head, Giada, is still pretentiously overpronouncing Italian words. Takes her half an episode to say “marscapone.”

3:33: Good thing this episode doesn’t have any spuuuuhhhhhghhhhheeeehhttiiiiiii.

3:46: Robert Irvine is selling a knife sharpener. Clearly we need it. I’m afraid of what will happen to us if we don’t buy it.

3:48: It’s not that our knives are dull. I just feel they’re not at their sharpest and Irvine might better appreciate my knife cuts with a sharper knife.

3:53: Bobblehead and I have the same food processor.

4:02: Paula Deen is making her holiday party buffet. It has brownies, stuffed mushrooms, chicken fingers, cherry ice cream and apple cider. Weirdest party ever.

4:04: Oh, thank goodness. Friends is on. Life can begin again.

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5 Responses to “Bored wife is bored”

  1. squirrel circus December 27, 2011 at 8:09 am #

    Congrats on surviving yesterday! I have until the 2nd, with the kids (argh!). Calling in the calvary (Grammy) tomorrow….

    • Cally December 27, 2011 at 11:49 pm #

      I don’t know what I’d do if I had other people I was supposed to entertain as well. Clearly I have trouble even dealing with myself.

      • squirrel circus December 28, 2011 at 6:49 pm #

        It’s a whole new level of hell. I mean, “it’s a blessing!” – hee hee

  2. Nikki December 30, 2011 at 1:06 pm #

    This is hilarious but I love it. I totally do the same shit when I’m off and my boyfriend is at work. I just talk to him through text, even if he doesn’t text back. Good to know I’m not alone!

    • Cally December 30, 2011 at 3:32 pm #

      Yeah, you’ll notice there are no responses here. I talk regardless of response as well.

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