Five things I did as a kid that I still get that sinking, embarrassed feeling about when I think of them

29 Jan

1. I got an honor medal for academics in second grade. After second grade, I switched schools. Into third grade, I continued to wear this medal occasionally. This in and of itself what stupid of me, and did not endear me to any of the other students. I really feel my parents dropped the ball here. I get the sneaking suspicion neither of them was “popular” in school (perhaps it’s in the genes?) but they should have known this was not the right move to make. It gets worse though, because as I was eventually called out on it (Why do you wear that? You don’t even go to that school anymore. That means nothing here.) I then concocted a convoluted story about the medal meaning so much to me because I was so persecuted at my other school for being just oh-so-smart, and being able to wear it freely was very important to me. I think I included that parents made fun of me to give my story some extra pizazz. This was also not the right move to make.

2. When fighting with friends in fifth grade, likely for no reason other than we were fifth grade girls and that was what we did, I quoted a Billy Joel song. I’m going to let that sink in a minute.

I was in fifth grade in 1995. This was… not the height of Billy Joel’s popularity. The song I specifically quoted, My Life, was released in 1978. No one had any idea what I was talking about. I said the lyric “I still belong, don’t get me wrong/You can speak your mind/But not on my time.” I thought I was being very clever, because I was trying to say I still wanted to be friends but I didn’t want to deal with this drama anymore, didn’t want to hear it if people were going to be talking behind each other’s backs. Looking back, I probably should have just said that.

3. Stealing caution signs in the summer between sixth and seventh grade. My friend and I would literally ride our bikes around, sneak up on peoples lawns, and take those little caution signs people have after just getting pesticides sprayed on their grass. We thought we were so… funny? bad-ass? I don’t even know. What I do know is we amassed hundreds of those over the summer. I ran across them a few years ago, still sitting in my dad’s garage, and I was torn between laughing my ass off at the memories of the whole thing, or laughing my ass off over how stupid we’d been.

4. Wearing a tiara to the homecoming dance sophomore year. I was clearly not homecoming queen. But I had this tiara and I thought oh, this would be adorable to wear to the dance. And no one disagreed with me, pointed out the flaws in my idea, maybe steered me to something a  little more appropriate. Where I could look less like a desperate sophomore who felt like the true queen. Really, the idea that it was an inappropriate choice never even crossed my mind until years later. So I mostly blame everyone I know for this one, but the pictures don’t tell that story. They just show a weird girl in a tiara.

5. The red, cropped tank top I used to wear in high school. To school. It was so inappropriate. It was super tight, way low-cut, and showed at least five inches of stomach. I don’t know why anyone let me get away with this, parents, teachers, etc. I don’t know why I thought it was a good idea. It was way slutty. As you can clearly tell, I was not exactly popular/slutty as I was awkward/shunned. Perhaps this is why no one called me on it. I wore it all the time. I really, really wish I hadn’t.

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2 Responses to “Five things I did as a kid that I still get that sinking, embarrassed feeling about when I think of them”

  1. squirrel circus January 30, 2012 at 9:45 am #

    Love it!! Don’t feel too bad. I continue to make Seinfeld references that no one gets. Just don’t tell me if you have to Google him. You probably will. Just don’t tell me 🙂

    • Cally January 30, 2012 at 2:30 pm #

      Oh no. I know Seinfeld well. Worry not. I’d get all your references.

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