Things that are going to kill me when I move to Florida

19 Feb

1. Alligators
2. Sharks
3. Scarily invisible jelly fish
4. Sting rays
5. Cholera, apparently, what the hell? I’m not moving to Oregon in 1840.
6. The water smelling like sulphur all the time, what’s up with that?
7. Hurricanes
8. Skin cancer
9. Rip tides
10. Over abundance of old people driving so slowly my head explodes
11. Snakes
12. Oddly high rates of prescription drug abuse
13. Mosquitos infected with whatever dengue virus is
14. Lightning
15. Monster lizards not native to the area but who people apparently buy for pets but then release and they hunt in packs like WOLVES, dammit, and find people mighty tasty

As you can possibly tell, I’m coming across both valid and suspect sources in my search for information here. I find both equally terrifying and am probably going to need to be drugged and dragged into the state at this point.


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