Discriminating tastes

22 Feb

I feel it’s possible that I’m not enough of a snob. I mean, I’m bitchy, sure. I can be very mean and condescending and childish, good for me. I’m not really a snob about anything, though. Like wine snobs, beer snobs, whatever. I used to think I could maybe try being a coffee snob, because I am maniacally obsessed with coffee, but I was no good at it. Other than being able to tell if coffee is burnt, I couldn’t distinguish between medium roast or dark roast, highfalutin or Maxwell House. Put coffee in front of me, I will drink it. Happiness ensues. I love coffee too much to be mean to it.

Husband is a cologne snob. When I drag him to Sephora, he can speak about the colognes and perfumes almost like they are wine. Notes and undertones and hints of whatever. You can have him smell something and describe it, and it reads near the same as the fancy-pants descriptions on the website. Meanwhile, I just shake my head yes or no. I know if I like it. I know if I don’t. I can usually reliably tell if something is trying to smell like grapefruit.

That’s part of why I’m not able to be a snob. Something about me just doesn’t register these things that come naturally to the snobs. It was just a few months ago that I became able to tell the difference between the standard and the high def television channels. Someone hands me wine, any wine, and I just think it tastes sour. Beer all tastes the same. Ask me what kind of rum I want in my drink and I’ll shrug. I can’t pick out spices or herbs in food. I can tell you if it’s yummy, but I don’t think you’d find that too helpful.

What I’m saying is I think I need a hook. (And not for a hand. Though that’s not without its charms.) Something that I can know inside and out, appreciate, discuss and debate for no reason. Have strong opinions on. Other than “yummy” and “not so yummy.” It seems like one of the keys to being an adult. I just need to find something to care that much about. And also figure out what all these other people have that I don’t that lets them tell the differences between all these things. That way if someone tells me a wine is “woody,” I can do more than try to nod sagely and wonder how rude it would be to order a pizza right now.

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