How to (not) cut a mango in 7 eas(il)y (screwed up) steps

10 May

1. Decide out of no where you wish to eat a mango. Purchase said mango.

2. Ask everyone you know how to cut a mango. Be told by multiple sources it’s like cutting an avocado.

3. Google “how to cut an avocado.” Instead of “how to cut a mango.” Don’t question yourself too much on this.

4. Run your knife around the edge of the mango like it says to do with an avocado.

4a. And again.

4b. And again.

4c. And again.

5. Think maybe it would be easier if you peeled the thing first. Peel the mango.

6. Drop the whole sloppy mess on the floor, because peeled mangoes are slippery.

7. Find this website after throwing the whole mess in the trash. Vow to never buy another mango as long as you live.

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4 Responses to “How to (not) cut a mango in 7 eas(il)y (screwed up) steps”

  1. kwehkweh May 10, 2012 at 9:58 am #

    Lmao I love mangos so I could never vow to not eat another one again. I slice mine, small chunks at a time, and keep tons of paper towel with me. When it gets to the point that I have no peel left to hold, I hold it with paper towel and just bite into it. I would suggest never wearing a white shirt because it will go down your chin and you will look like you have no clue how to eat food.

    • Cally May 10, 2012 at 10:30 pm #

      Yeah, I’m pretty sure I’m already conveying that I have no idea how to eat food. Plus if I’m eating it, 85% of the time I drop it on myself.

      • kwehkweh May 11, 2012 at 10:07 am #

        lol I’m sure if you were 6 you would not mind the ooey gooey. Eat it when you feel like being a kid again ;p

  2. Sarah Pardieck (@NoticeDirt) May 11, 2012 at 9:55 am #

    You’ve just effectively described why I only buy pre-sliced mango. Avocados I can do…but yeah, mangoes are crazy slippery.

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