The ties that bind

27 Jun

We recently bought our plane tickets to go home to Michigan in October. Mostly for a friend’s wedding, but also to visit family and friends. I’m looking forward to our visit because I’m missing everyone like crazy recently, with one exception.

My mother.

I don’t even think I want to tell her I’m going to be in town.

I don’t know if this is possible? Our last meeting wasn’t a total disaster, but it also wasn’t a resounding vote for a repaired mother-daughter relationship either. Our contact since then has consisted of her writing “happy birthday” on my wall on Facebook. I said thank you. Two months and one Facebook wall post. Prior to their separation (I can’t even call it a divorce, because it’s not and I almost think it never will be) we’d talk two to three times a week. I just don’t want to bother with her right now.

Can I do that? Can I slip in, visit everyone else, pretend she doesn’t exist? I feel like no. I feel it’s fundamentally wrong. Conversely, though, should I have to go out of my way to try to include someone who’s shown time and time again they’re not interested? I have less than a week on this trip, and really less than half a week because we have to split between my and Husband’s hometowns. Is it really fair to me to have to section of a part of my time home to be miserable, when I could be spending more time with my father or friends?

I’m just so exhausted with the whole situation. It was hard enough for us to relate when things were well, now I find it harder and harder to forge a connection when I feel like I’m being thrown away at every turn. Maybe I would be more likely to include her if I had any indication that our situation, that the way things are between us now passed through her mind at all? I’m spinning my wheels on it on a near daily basis, and I have a sneaking suspicion the same can’t be said about her.

At this point, I think if I hear from her, I’ll tell her. If I don’t…. then I don’t.

At least it’s a decision and I can remove the idea from my mind for now. October is pretty far away, anyway.

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7 Responses to “The ties that bind”

  1. Nikki June 28, 2012 at 7:32 am #

    Oh honey I feel your pain and then some! You know I’ve been struggling throughout my wedding planning process with “what to do” with my mom. I don’t think you should feel bad if you want to slip in for a visit and not mention it to her. But that’s just my opinon. I would do that myself if I lived away from my family/friends. You’re right though about October being a while away and you have time to figure it out! Hugs!

    • Cally June 28, 2012 at 9:18 pm #

      Thanks for the nice words. I’m definitely going to shelve it, at least for a little while. Maybe the choice will just be clearer in a month or two.

  2. Cami June 28, 2012 at 9:21 am #

    Oh HUGS. I am praying for you. All you can do is try, right?

    • Cally June 28, 2012 at 9:18 pm #

      Very, very true. Thanks Cami. 🙂

  3. squirrel circus June 28, 2012 at 8:08 pm #

    You need to do what’s right for you. I’m a firm believer in avoiding toxic relationships. You may not be able to choose your family, as they say, but you CAN choose if and when you interact. Looking at the cues she seems to be giving you, follow your gut. *hugs*

    • Cally June 28, 2012 at 9:19 pm #

      I’m a firm believer in that too, and it’s something I definitely stress with people who have similar situations. Totally easier said than done. Thanks for the support, though. It’s good to know I’m not… crazy. Well I am. But crazy in a bad way.

  4. Mrs. Monologues June 29, 2012 at 8:42 am #

    I know how you feel. You do have a tough decision, but you have to do what is right for you. I don’t know if you want to keep it secret, but not seeing her can be done. Ugh, so hard. Praying hard for you!

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